When resentment takes over resulting from mind games with winners and loosers, it’s an ugly sight. Everyone looses. I’m describing the affect of control on the quality of your life, and how to break free.
Power dynamics do not need to over take your life. We share the planet with others but it’s not necessary to surrender your integrity to the level of hostility that force introduces into your life. Nor is control or domination an essential skill set to adopt when you need to stand in your power. There is another way.
Control dramas involve one person—or groups, organizations or whole communities—pushing against a perceived enemy to achieve a specific outcome. These kinds of drama almost always involves a hidden agenda, accompanied by passive aggressive behavior or outright aggression.
The ripple affect from such a polarized way of being can create a residual emotional trauma and a toxic environment for all involved.
Control dramas are easy to identify: One party creates a story about the other then begins to shape their reality around the drama. The goal is to perpetuate false evidence showing up as real to create shock value, a shocking tale big enough that everyone’s attention is suddenly riveted on wrong doing.
This form of illusion making is usually accompanied by an act of intimidation or a direct threat to your well being. The one holding the hammer over your head sets out to get others involved in order to fan the fire of wrong doing. The goal is to get others to point the finger at the victim so that the hidden agenda can be achieved out in full view.
Listen to any control drama story and you will find a villain and a victim. The hidden agenda is there too. All the chaos, as a result of constant spin is designed to keep the chaos kicked into high gear so that the real goal can be achieved. By the time the drama winds down, the mission will have been accomplished.
Our families, courtrooms, political halls and boardrooms are filled with people that spin stories about other people and events for the sole purpose of achieving hidden agendas and using force to ensure intended outcomes. Shame is integral to the process. Instead of holding firm to the facts, the drama king or queen bends, cheats, lies, and manipulates.
What motivates a person to abandon their basic values to fit the desired outcome?
While control dramas are rooted in fear—plain and simple—embracing heart-centered consciousness is based on love. Love is expansive and offers another way to drop or step away from control and stay in the flow.
How to you get out of a cycle? It’s super simple but takes great humility and courage to stay the course. Here are five basic steps:
1. Once you have found yourself in the spin of the drama, it’s easy to loose your perspective. It’s impossible to get out without stepping out. Recognize when you have been lulled into the illusion and stop it right there—as in stop the story. Stop participating in the story. Stop listening to the story or repeating any part of the story to yourself or someone else.
2. Take your power back. Stop believing in the story, as in stop believing that anyone has any power over you. Stop listening, telling or even thinking about the story.
3. Let go of your need to be right. If you are the one who started it, just recant, forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness. If you have been behaving like a victim, realize the blessing of getting your wake-up call. This level of forgiveness is not required to go begging. It’s a simple matter of coming clean, and recognizing that you have fallen out of grace.
4. Get back into alignment with your heart and stop the spin doctoring. Again—stop telling the story. It takes courage and humility to trust in the greater flow of the divine but it’s essential and the only way to ultimately realizing a greater degree of balance and harmony in life.
5. Finally, stuff happens. People make different choices but flow is where it’s at and joyfully so, even in the most chaotic of life transition times, staying true to yourself is the greatest gift and will ultimately find you in the right aligned place at the right time. Be impeccable with your word and speak truth. Trust in the divine flow, and follow the synchronicity.
Finding yourself in a control drama? Take the biggest step: Let go of your need to be right, and align, align, align.